was blog-hopping...

and i came across this blogger. i have absolutely no idea who he is.. but i'm enlightened by his way of handling his situation.. by his mature thoughts and all.

here... confessions of a broken heart.

and this entry of another blogger.. made me wonder when will i ever grow up and learn.

looking back and looking at who i am now, i feel that i’ve changed quite abit since the last big quarrel we had.

i have definitely become much more tolerant of who he is - his character, his temper, and his behaviour.
(i talked to sassyjan -my favourite “celeb” blogger- that time, and she told me that i have 2 paths to choose. the first one’s to let go of the relationship. the second one’s to accept him for who he is and change myself.)
well.. of course, i chose the latter and here i am now.

i guess, i’ve learnt that in many ways, i am very demanding myself too.

i’ve learnt to be less critical of what he does not offer to me, and more appreciative of what he is giving to me and our relationship.
i was feeling so unhappy and affected then, because i kept nit-picking his bad temper and aloof ways.
but i didn’t realise that he didn’t mean to behave this way. it’s just his inborn (or influenced-by-background-and-upbringing) behaviour.

for 2 persons to fit nicely, they need to complement one another.
it’s like 2 jigsaw puzzle pieces. when one is curved outwards, the other must curve inwards for them to fit in nicely.

in those aspects that he stands firm of his values and perspectives, i need to be accepting.
and in those aspects that i insist, he needs to take a step back.
in essence, it’s this simple, though, in fact, it might take a little more from both parties for this simple logic to work and make sense.

in the past, i would be very very upset if we woke up together to go to work.
i would always feel very irritated that i have to start my day in this stupid manner - he will wake up, feel irritated, don’t talk (if he talks, he is throwing tantrums), and show a black face.

i put myself in his shoes.
i think about how i behave when i am very tired. and then, i know and i understand.
after understanding that it’s because he feels very grumpy because he is tired, i’ve learnt to just let him be and not take his actions to heart.

afterall, he does “wake up” after he gets rid of the tired feeling.
like how both of us describe his state when he is newly woken up, it’s the monster. teehee.
so, everytime, when i remind him of how he was so angsty in the morning, he would always look scared and say in a low, deep voice “that’s not me. it’s the Monster.”
and i will always end up laughing.

and, in the past, i will get very upset also, when he talks to me on the phone while he is at work.
because (i will always feel that) he talks with a sian voice, and it feels like he doesn’t want to talk to me.

gradually, i realised that it’s just me who is too sensitive.
he was probably tired after making numerous deliveries. he was probably sleeping on the truck when i called. he was probably busy with work.

so many factors and yet i didn’t take them into consideration before i decided to be unhappy because I think he speaks with an unenthusiastic voice.

now, i won’t let my thoughts run wild, and i keep my sensitivity levels in check. lol.

there are many other things about our relationship and about the boyfriend that i had been very upset about but, have changed my perceptions now.

*
as one grows up, one learns more.
and when one learns more, one becomes more aware and understanding of the things that happen.
and when one becomes more knowledgeable of facts (instead of warped thinking due to assumptions), one becomes happier.

(:
and this is how i am feeling now.